Nobody's #1

I haven't written in quite a while, and I don't know really why I decided to pick it back up tonight. After all, this is probably a bad time to be writing. I'm frustrated, angry, worried, completely stressed out, and for all purposes...spent.

Yet, I also recognize that it's typically in these moments -- moments in which I can't tell up from down -- that the deepest creativity and truest truths come peeking up through the fog. In the middle of the night, when the world rests; when my wife, my son, and our three dogs all are curled up under warm blankets; when all is still; that is when my mind and my heart and my soul begin to reach out for that "thing" --that mystical moment when truth is revealed--as if God himself was waiting to deliver a message and was just waiting until I was alone.

I guess that's why I'm writing. I'm lost.

Is this a test? Is it a "season" of life? Is it something altogether different? Why is it that I find myself in a state of limbo? Am I a failure? Am I about to experience some major setback? Punishment?

These are my questions. And, there's no seemingly clear answer or direction.

...I'm taking a ride on a wing and a prayer...

So this is my statement...my call...my announcement to the world, to anyone who cares to read it, and to God:

I'll take that ride on a prayer. I'm tired of limbo. I am tired of "okay." I'm tired of holding back the desire in my heart to do more. No more feeble and meager steps of faith. I'm ready to leap, to dive, to jump. No more conservative-ness in faith, life, or love.

...follow me there. We'll both be surprised.